Inner Wise Self....

My inner wise Self has a message for me that I must uncover.. I have no idea what it is.. let's see Ali where You can take You tonight... A dialogue with My Essential Self. 

So You are getting ready to teach this Ho'oponopono retreat.. basically on radical Self Honesty and Alignment. What does that mean to You?

"Well... I think it means that I have never allowed mySelf to fully show up for Me. I have spent a lot of time not fully being Me because my family rejected me on a core level to simply be MySelf. As it stands, in some major ways this is changing. First, I am seeing a lot more love from a family I have been misunderstood by for not sharing their religious beliefs.. and I am no longer involved with some family that has demonized me by simply not aligning with their set of religious dogma. I thought this would be just terrible after all, I had squished mySelf into a familial box-- the ones I thought would most reject me, actually most affirmed me, the ones I thought would most support me, went in a completely opposite polarized position. What did this do? It taught me..is teaching me how liberating it is to really show up and be me. If someone doesn't wish to love me anymore because I am who I am...  I am finding a tremendous amount of freedom in releasing myself from those confines. Also, what is amazing, those who I love so dearly who see the harm in what has been done in such separating behavior are co creating with me a whole new paradigm in how we can thrive and co-exist in our sameness and differences. I am getting more real with Me. It had to do with this initial severance of contact with some people I really love, but it turned into claiming mySelf as never before. So even if I never connect with the part of my family again. I feel peace. I feel clear, I feel liberated. I find I don't really wish to be involved with people who have trouble with people who don't believe as they do. I am finding other people's fear was a mirror reflection of my own lack of self worth. I have had a lot of closure in relationships in the past 3mos. It is amazing how astrology can highlight where we are at emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. I read the other day, that I was coming to a time where I would just be DONE with what is outmoded in my relationships. It caused me great fear at first. I was afraid to let go of these wonderful connected relationships I thought I had...At first, I had met some pretty heavy betrayal, then I realized, these schisms are my gifts. These mirrors these souls brought me are helping me to create the value that I have reached with my Essential Self, the kundalini energy that has run through me since I was a child, but there was a disconnect. My Essential Self and my local self had/have trouble intersecting. I feel it flow through me like a river of passion and purpose, only to find in my everyday life, when I need to integrate the two, I carry it for a bit and then lose it. This loss feels like abandonment, or even rejection. Then I feel like my outer experience aligns to rejection in my outer world, even if the world around me clammered after me as their guru, I would find a way to seek separation and rejection from it. I would get high from the kundalini and then sort of crash, high low, high low, high low. These highs and lows became my normalcy. Up and Down constantly, with a smile on the outside. I was looking to be let down. Amazingly, I am so loved, but I would find that person, experience,..whatever to abandon me.  So my family has been a good mirror."

Ok, I have no idea what I just wrote there, but I am not going to reread. Let's go deeper. So in a nutshell, you have some big shifts going on right now.  How is that working for you?

"I am trying to dig deeper into my own facade. I am asking myself what is REAL. I am really asking the Universe to show me the people and circumstances that wish to support me and my journey. My chart explained how thinly I stretch myself out to care for the needs of others. I can see, it is a distraction from myself. I have not allowed myself to rely on people save a very few. Seems some of those that I have relied on are dissolving, making it clear that being supported by them is a dead end. And others are appearing. It is really quite lovely actually. I applaud those that can not show up and are straight about it and I am ecstatic how the Universe aligns support within our own structure, also, bringing in new opportunities to ask for help and receive. Tonight was a weary night. I was exhausted. I am not very good at saying YES to offers. My best friend is also my biz partner, I walked home late, dark wet night, as I got into the house, I thanked her for standing by my side through our rather challenging day. Expecting fully to go to bath and bed. She asked me to dinner, every part of me wanted to say NO Thank You. Instead I saw the opportunity for support, that I would have usually turned down and obliged. I had the best dinner with her. An old friend, who is 85 cooked us a meal, I even drank wine which tasted amazing. We were spent, I walked home musing my YES to life, my YES to my needs being met, to someone reaching out for me. I had grown uncomfortable with support. It made me feel vulnerable. A wave of support has come into my life in some huge ways as far as wombmen gifting me in assistance to my upcoming retreat. But tonight was as gentle caressing Yes, let me feed you--just that, a meal, conversation and I didn't even do a dish, which I know sounds naughty but I was not allowed and I let myself receive. So tonight, I felt my higher Self checking in with me on these changes. And I know my ramble is for me alone, no one will probably ever read these words.. but I have hidden from my words.. so much so I lost my ability to let that higher voice speak to me. Although you are not pouring through me as in years past, I can feel your trickle and I want you to know... I am here. I feel you run through my body. I feel you tell me who I am. I remember what you have told me I already am. Somehow I lost the joujou for a little bit. I can feel it, I can feel the sensuality seeping through as it has in the past, but I want to break the damn... ask the beavers to build somewhere else for now.. and just let the river flow to the ocean of ME, my great I AM.  So I am going to just come when I am called. Maybe I will write nonsense, maybe I will just sort out old outmoded local self things, maybe I will let my sensuality flow freely... Deeply underneath the mask of Alison is a wombman who became unsafe to be who she really is. So who is She? Well, I know she is kind and creative, I know this. But she let herself become the shape of the container someone told her she needed to fit into.. She believed it! Time to thaw out. In that thawed out state, will I spill out all over the place, will I lose all sense of boundary, will I merge into everything, lose where I end and other's begin, goodness I hope so. I must break free. I must become the watery self that I AM. So here goes.... 

What does it mean to just Float. To Be. Effortless. 

Inside the realm of your connected Self lies the answer. 

"my dearest daughter, I write to you from the heart of Love. This is You in your eternal place of beingness that you reside. When you fear, come to me, feel my Essence blossom within You. Forever I have known you. Forever will You Be. You are a daughter of the Sun and Moon, light and dark, void and created. 

So you ask of you task in Knowing Me? And I turn to you and caress gently your face, my lovely beloved blossom, your task is to fill your Essence with the connected of Me. Where there is no without, only within. 

Seek to be widdled down to your Great Heart. Why do you fear my sweetness, what are you afraid to see? Do you not know you are Perfect. Forget not my loved seeks out all your channels and eddies. There is no stone unturned. There is no pebbled unpolished by my love. 

Let me take you with me again under the Sea. The realm where I am most revealed unto you. 

Feel the effortless floating beauty of nothingness. Feel the stillness as you are moved by the currents within. This is you, this is me, this is the wedding of the electricity of Father Sky, Mother Moon. The Great Vast Void spiraling towards the Great Central Sun.. Come float with me unto the stars, moons, planets.. Where there is no breath, just the breathing of All Creation. 

You remember the beginning, Yes. You remember the Great Turn of this World, and you have just experienced the Great Turn again. The veils have dropped and you are naked. 

You were afraid to be naked before Me so recently. Remember this shift. Grasp it and hold it close to your heart. For soon enough a new forgetting will occur. The forgetting of separation. 

Separation had it's purpose and was not without it's gift to You. 

So in the forgetting and the separation, now you feel the beginning of a new wave of Kundalini. 

This sensual charge is not so lonely as it was, grasp this. Own that you know this, so you can accept what it was you felt was apart from you. 

Feel the feeling rise through your core, at your root, at the gateway in your primordial womb, the bloodline from which you have come.. Seek you. 

Feel the security of the warmth of the ALL as a blanket of coziness. Now nuzzle into this comfort. You are the womb of the world and yet the WOMB of THE WORLD holds you.. how can this Be? It is one and the same. What is within you is without you. When you rise out of the Sea, feel the warm embracing air dry you off with the same love the wetness of the Sea engulfed you. You need both. You are a goddess of Land and Sea.. You need the shelter of the masculine Earth to support, and uplift you.. and you need the wetness of the oceanic Water to reveal what is yet to be seen, to ignite your intuition and your knowingness. Begin to visit me again, and again. You will see I never left you. You just needed sometime to allow Me to flow through the keyboard to you once more. I will not find you only in your bed, in trance and meditation. I am right here in the ether of your meditative travels offering you vision and wisdom, and right here as I was so many moons ago, offering you my Words, Your Words.. thank you for allowing me to remind you that I am right her to write through your hands in this blessed way. 

Infinite Love. "

Taking my goodbyes into tomorrowland....

That's my Granny! ~ yep, really.

(Metaphorically it's Me)

This new year has had a lot of good-byes. It's funny. Good-byes aren't easy for me. I am the kind of person who often gets hurt by good-byes. I know not everyone does. In fact, lots of very healthy people I know are quite good at it. Some people even are excited about good-byes as their is an element of change and growth around the corner. I suppose I am really good at timely good-byes. (Well I am in the process of integrating this, and to make it true, I am writing it out loud, winks) Ultimately, it's understanding that all good byes are timely. I think even when you don't think you are ready, for whatever reason, it is what life brought you, like it or not.. Life knows what is best, I suppose. 

My resistance to good-bye could be a resistance to change. And so for that reason, embracing the lesson of good bye is probably much needed. In some of my recent good byes, I am seeing more of mySelf.    Instead of just wandering off into the feeling, I am bringing the feeling a little more forward into beingness. I am allowing what I would dream about to become Me in a way. For that I am grateful. While immersed in the feeling, I was a bit frozen, like a doe in the headlights. Why did deep spiritual feeling "freeze me"? Well, I suppose over a millenia, I got desensitized to going so deep, perhaps it wasn't even physically safe for me to do so in my past?... So I became detached from mySelf in a way, when my Spirit would pull me deep into my own recesses.   I got caught here for years. While frozen, it became difficult for me to write. Years ago, before this blog in which for the most part I was frozen. I welcomed the gift of automatic writing to pour through me. Divine Feminine would pour through my fingers in a sort of secret blog in a diary on my computer. I was new to computers back then... I foolishly back then was afraid of the words so foreign to what anyone I knew would understand in me, I deleted my precious writing. 

I have spent a lot of this life inside of stuck. I never gave mySelf permission to be me FULLY.  I don't know why exactly. I felt like I was inside the gel of a tomato seed that I just could not penetrate. It may seem cliche, but the great turn of the wheel as I call it, the Winter Solstice of this last year seemed to break open this seed for me. 

As the dross dropped around my ankles recently, I just was less afraid. No matter how it sounds, I was afraid to be persecuted for being Me. It sounds utterly crazy. However, this energy was so deeply embedded in my cells, it did not have to make sense for me to understand it. It simply was. Some people might think me stuck on the merry go round of past lives. Indeed, I concur. I went through a melt down dark night of the soul as I was taught you call these things, back from my Catholic days describing where St John of the Cross went in his darkest hours to find the Light of his beloved which I sense in his belief system was Christ. In my terminology I would refer to as the Christ Within. This happened over the course of last year, and I appropriately ended this year, with a very uneventful veil drop-- the fearful energy just left. One day it was there, in fact, one morning it was there and by mid morning, it was gone. Interestingly enough, on the Winter Solstice no less.  How is it one can be freed from a kind of prison of fear, only to find, it just leave? I dunno.  So grand goodbyes like the ones this year is bringing~ Just gone. As this new year begins, situations and people that matched that  fear, seem to be exiting... like it or not. Not them like it or not, they just left, me like it or not, accept, embrace, make peace. 

It's odd. Suddenly things are easier. My clients are responding to me differently, not so polarized with the essence of wanting to be saved, wanting answers, wanting me to do the work-oh boy, yep, that dastardly mirror! Joyously, they are embracing more than ever, exploring their own path, and I just get to assist. Removing mySelf from knowing into sharing, wowza! I am responding to my clients differently. I am not as guarded. I have more time. I have better boundaries. Creating seems easy. I have this incredible retreat upcoming that I planned on a whim- a wonderful urge that appeared inside driving me to connect deeply with my path and path seekers, with the most amazing women signed up to attend. All these years, I had run from my clients because the emotional intensity of my work was overwhelming, suddenly it is not. Why? Well, my sense is, the She in Me is back. Where did she go? Well, I question, in what I have known, was she ever quite here? She seemed outside, now she feels inside! How could the great turn of the wheel have such a profound effect? Shouldn't this grand cycle take much longer to take affect, perhaps a few hundred years on either side at least? I suppose not. We are changing much faster than I could have every imagined. 

I'm glad. 

PS~Read the book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I will write about it later, I am not finished yet. It took me starting it a few times to have it catch.  I suppose all those times I tried to read it were "before" the great turn of the wheel. ( I wasn't ready?!?)  It is a book we all should read, those of us who are interested  in shifting our programming to something that would be better for Mama Earth, better for Us. 

Ok.. Gma is rearing to go, I got to hop on that motor-cickle as Gpa would call it. I'm taking my good byes with me in my back pocket but I am headed for tomorrow land...... 

The Great Wheel Has Turned...

"Labradorite is a power stone, allowing you to see through illusions and determine the actual form of your dreams and goals. It is excellent for strengthening intuitions.

Meditate with this labradorite sphere to stimulate your imagination for creative growth, and develop enthusiasm for new projects and endeavors."

Welcome Back to me.. It has been a whole year since I have last visited you here.... Truth is, it was a rather rough year for me... all is well now, but it took me to the darkest night of my soul.  I come to mySelf here born anew. I have shed the veils that kept me perpetually positive. This is my diary here... a place to be free. Freedom seems to be my favorite word recently. It must be my biggest challenge. It is written all over my life. Time to not hold back so here I am. I read today, "life has an expiration date"

So here goes, it will probably not be shocking material I write. Just stuff I don't have anywhere else to share. 

 Have you ever gone somewhere you didn't think you would ever be able to return from? I never imagined it could be so... to be so disconnected, into madness... really. It is hard for me to admit that.. I have spent my whole life trying to appear so normal. Last year was that kind of year of me. How did this happen? Well, a combination of my body not being able to successfully clear my liver after a surgery. Whatever the combination of anesthetic and morphine in my body left me between whirrrrleds. 

It offered some wonderful horrific dark adventures, that dark night. It was as if the sum of my karma would return at around 4am every morning. Looking back it was torture. I would slip between the veils of time. I would relive every death and persecution bestowed on my incarnate soul. I couldn't stop the rewind. It took me deeper and deeper into madness, into a fragility that made my waking hours a trembling..  sleep an impossibility. I went without sleep for 6mos which creates a poor mix with my already taxed adrenals from kundalini since a child and my intuitive gifts that compromise my body chemistry. I felt like the bride of Frankenstein during that period of my life... a poorly stitched together fragile woman, who felt alone and separate from her Creator... I think I felt a damsel in distress. I had always been so strong. Everyone depended on my intuition to carry them through... who carried me? Truth is, I was carried in many ways, but soulfully I was terribly alone. Alone is the best way to wrestle the dark night of the soul. For who can travel that path alongside of you? No one but you. 

Thing is, I know it has been my greatest gift. Until this dark night, I thought that Kundalini energy was my greatest gift of this life time. I remember my back arching in the middle of the night, writhing with sexual energy exploding throughout my body at 4 yrs old.. before I even went to kindergarten. Going into shakes and mystic fits growing up became a natural thing for me to try to hide.. crying in the closets for the pain in the world. I knew too much so young. I remembered co-creating this dimension.. There was no one to relay that kind of knowledge too.. so I pushed it down, crammed it down, it would gurgle up.  It took me to such an adult knowing place at such an incredibly innocent age. Although at any age, Kundalini is something age does not prepare one for.. it was just early on is all. 

Different than Kundalini, my dark night took me to a soulful knowing place too, one where age, time and place, all,  is of no consequence, it catapults you right out of time and into no-time... Where there are no rules. Your mind is fair game. Be you adult or child, there is no maturation that prepares one for this realm. And so it was, I took the ride of my life through the fears and darkness encoded in my cellular DNA of time. A gift to take the cellular memory to the zero point of all creation. The NO TIME. The place where if you can release the attachment to the trauma, you can erase it from ALL TIME.

Illusion born of this dimension is a powerful energy to wrestle. Thing is, I have never been comfortable with this dimension, unless I was in water.  I would have thought before this last years experience if trying to imagine someone "losing it" that all they had to do was will their Self back. Turns out, it is not that simple. I have so much more compassion for people who struggle emotionally.

 I always had a difficult time between worlds. I had a hard time delving into my imagination as child. I was discouraged from thinking anything fantasy was real. Secretly though fantasy world's of Thumbelina were my favorite storybooks. I wonder if I was discouraged from an outside parental source, or just discouraged within? It wasn't until I was doing some consulting work in Kauai where the fairy realm once again open up in my awareness. I was told if I was ever in danger in nature, during that island visit to call upon Lilith-queen of the fairy world. I was walking along a road when a pitbull jumped out in front of me in attack energy. I called on Lilith and immediately the dog became docile as if tranquilized. I was in awe. 

When I went through my 4am episodes of past life rewind during the dark night of my soul. My Essential Self encouraged me to call upon Lilith and her legions in the fairy world.. Suddenly I would see fluttering tiny warm white lights filling my room. The horrific episodes of past life rewind would ensue. It did not tranquilize my fears, but there was an air of protection that I was being divinely guided, that I was protected and safe. I knew what I was experiencing needed to be shed, from the totality of my incarnate Self. Yet I had this comfort, there was a legion of small beings who were linked to me in a very special way over-seeing my inner event. I suppose it brought me peace in a strange magical way.  

I sense I am starting fresh this year. Last year was a Divine Cleansing, a letting go, a transmuting of energy that was outmoded and needed to be shifted into something more useable than being stuck in pain. Looking back, I know I have experienced a gift of transmutation few have yet to realize on that kind of level. A more honest Self has risen from the ashes. I am in the midst of a lot of change. One thing the dark night of the soul seemed to rob me of my ability to be overcome by Kundalini. I suppose some would say that is the gift. Perhaps there is not the resistance in my body that give Kundalini the physical markers it has sexually. Perhaps that is good. I feel a gentle stirring of Kundalini all the time now. It is like a stream of constant energy communicating with Me to allow the feminine in me to find a new more constant expression of her empowerment than I have been had the privilege of embodying up to this life. The world was not ready for us to hold HerOurMy light and eternal grace until the great turn of the wheel. 

The wheel has turned. 

When the wheel turned, I was sitting on a catamaran in Il Foush off St Barth's.. a funny little island that looks like a land before time.. Looking out into the dark water, and the reddish violet rocky land before me, it was as if my Soul had begun a new cycle here on Earth. It felt as if there was once again no time. I thought to mySelf. There have been so many astrological alignments that mean important things and you never feel them, you think you are feeling something now? Do you just really want to so this is so? Because, yes, there was no denying it, I was feeling something. Something had dropped away. I thought.. now all that past life regression rewind for  so many moons last year, and now, right now you feel something falling away?? True I had let go of the pains and traumas, but with all that letting go, I really didn't feel lighter or better- I felt more accepting of how I came into this world, with the uncertainties and entanglements I carried, but different, Nope. And now, as I could hear people stir in the morning hours around the boat, it felt like a strange mix of otherwhirrledly and totally normal with others saying we made it through, the world did not end, in joking terms. Silently, I sat knowing the world was never meant to end... just My world began. The Goddess within me knew suddenly, secretly my world was finally here, I was being birthed right here, right now. Because it was the Solstice of 12/21/12, I am not sure.. I sure didn't feel attached to the date to try to connect it to anything... After all, it is a 26,000 year cycle. In all my sessions with my clients seeking to feel contentment over the BIG DATE, I would encourage, "don't expect much, after all you could be feeling this shift for a couple hundred years on either side of this"... The truth for me in that moment was that, that morning, I was different. I was lighter. A pain had dropped away that didn't have all the fire works and excitement of my dark night of the soul. It just simply was. I was ready. I am ready, for Her, For Me, for the Goddess within to Be the Light of the World as I know it. So here I am. I am back. To talk story as it unfolds. 

Aloha. The breath of Light in Me, Recognized the Breath of Light in You. Namaste. 

It's Never Too Late...Communicate (with LOVE)

Your VOICE matters!
How do we create situations that produce spiritually aligned outcomes?


Your voice matters, your intention matters, your alignment with the focus to the highest possible outcome in any given situation matters. With focus on these three things, you can heal your life, you can heal your partnerships, your family, and bring peace to your life beyond your wildest imaginings. I would say, not necessarily in that order, but with all those ingredients... the outcomes that have created resistance or failure for  you will begin to turn tail and shift in a way that makes you smile. 


Suffer not feeling your voice is inadequate. When you change your focus and place it upon the highest possible good in any situation.. you begin to shift out of an ego-ic place of who is right or wrong... into a powerful aligned place of seeking understanding for each other's perspective.


You are a powerful creator of your reality. 


If you truly understand that nothing comes to you without you first creating it for yourSelf. You begin from a place of self-honesty. You can not begin a path to peace without first aligning yourself as truly accountable for the situations that are mirroring back to  you some sort of feeling or belief system within you that created it in the first place.


This perspective may not rest peacefully with people who are convinced they are victims. People who are invested their "victimhood" may feel resentful at the notion suggesting we somehow create our reality. From that place often ignites a story of how the world has done us wrong. Unfortunately, from that stance, it is impossible to shift. For those of you reading from that perspective of hurt, I invite you to bear with me... as I take your hand and invite you to perhaps see your circumstances from a fresh perspective...you have nothing to loose but your pain. (smiles)


Energy is neutral until we "charge" it with an emotion. 


Knowing this.. any situation can be turned around simply because we take personal responsibility for the direction it will take. 


One of the first questions I get as soon as this strong statement is made is.... "What about children dying of starvation, what did they do to mirror such atrocity? Or people in countries riddled with war? What about people who are victims simply because of their station in life? Is it fair to hold them accountable ?"


We can not ask questions for why other people are accountable for the mirrors or reflections that create their reality. We know not what they feel or why they have attracted their circumstances. Which indeed may have been powerful co-creations they have attracted because of their greatness, and sheer power to hold themselves in light despite dire circumstances. There are those who would suffer in abundance and those that would thrive in poverty. No one can speak for another's energy creation but they themself and Creator. So we focus then on our part. What we are personally creating in our own personal reality? Your life's reality... what shows up in your life.. is your responsibility. If you perceive or realize other people's hardships, it is within  your realm of possibility to imagine why their discontent is showing up as a mirror in your life.... Do what you can in a self responsible way to help assuage their circumstances. By placing your focus on the mirrors that are creating experiences in your life, you will begin a process of unraveling why certain patterns have cycled throughout your life. You will begin to step back from reaction into a place of action, for if you can not change another, you can certainly change yourself! (and your responses to the triggers that keep your communication from giving you the results which bring you peace)


Going deeper into helping to change the world's circumstances will be addressed in a future writing. Which at it's root has the very same premise, which is focusing on your personal accountability. 


When you are truly self-honest. You position yourself to realize that like energy attracts like energy. So indeed, perhaps one plays the role of perpetrator and one victim, or it may be a blend of reactive personality traits, or one passive, one dominator... all manner of combinations occur. None of which matter because if  you take your focus off "what happened to you".. and instead, place your focus on what energy you are holding as a perfect match for your unrest. You take the first step in owning what part your energy is reflecting into the situation. In order to receive the results you aspire to, you must first remove all the blocks within yourself which keep the very outcome you desire from manifesting. 


Using the art of Ho'oponopono, the art of self forgiveness comes to us from the Hawaiian culture,  is an excellent way of practicing the art of self-honesty and self-forgiveness. Using this basic prayer/mantra,  you are asking the Creator to remove from you what you may or may not even know that is residing in your energy field to create the schism you are receiving from the other person. If there is no perceived schism, by using this mantra, you align the communication to the highest possible communication to take place even before it begins. 


Ho'0ponopono Prayer~ Self Forgiveness Ritual 


Giver Of Life (breath in and out)


I'm Sorry (breath in and out)


Please forgive me (breath in and out)  You are apologizing to Creator, not to the person who your are interacting with for that person could be anyone who carries a contrast or similar vibration.


I love you (breath in and out)  Of course you can say it to the other person, but you are proclaiming your Love for Creator, being the healer of ALL


Thank you (breath in and out) 


Using this ritual is a powerful aligning process to that sets into motion a commitment of intention that you are first aligned to Creator in your communication. 


Once you have aligned in this way, your focus becomes more personal on the part you have played, even if it was simply a belief. And some of our beliefs are tricky for it is easy to feel victimhood if we don't realize that maybe our belief is that we are victims so we attract people or situations that make us look or feel victimized. In recognizing these types of patterns cycling through our life we can see why we may have a certain re-occurring pattern with an individual that perhaps someone else dealing with that exact same person never has... We take the emphasis off right or wrong and place it on... What in me is creating this pattern to keep receiving this  sort of response from this person, or these types of situations? In this way, we can begin to unravel our own tangled yarn, not looking so much at why we are angry or upset... but rather how we wish to feel. 


When you can set a tone for how  you wish to feel.... You begin a process of using that honesty to create your voice because you are no longer coming from a perspective of pointing the finger at the other. You begin to take personal inventory on what you both need to achieve understanding which changes the energy to a more collaborative place. It shifts the energy away from blame and into partnership. When blame is removed, speaking your truth is more easily facilitated. Your stance changes from one of defense to an intention of healing. It is always easier to speak from love than from hurt. 


Become as self honest as you can. If you are blocked from aligning yourself in this way, using the ho'oponopono prayer is quite miraculous in asking Creator to remove from you that which you know not how to remove. Align to the highest intention for communication by making this your top priority. When this is settled within you, your voice will flow from you with more confidence because you have first aligned yourSelf to peace.... 


"Make me a Channel of Your Peace" ` St Francis of Assisi


Peace Be With You... 
Oceans of Love~ Ali

Kelp Goddess~ Sea of Grace

A goddess from the sea am I..... 

Today the water was rough and sharky looking. The sea called me home, dusk was upon me but I had to jump in... but then I saw my fins looking anxiously up at me, and my mask and snorkel yearning for a salt water dip as much as I so I grabbed them thinking, I will jump in ...and quickly out. 

But the water is my home..and as the waves crashed upon the rocks, she lifted me into her waters and my feet quickly became fins. 

At first I was apprehensive, it looked dangerous to swim alone. But as soon as I donned my mask, the underwater aquarium, my inner truth suddenly matched my outer reality. I was HOME. 

The kelp forests swish in sync with my swaying body as I glided through the smokey dusky waters... the fish surrendered the the rushing tide.  I had to give in and let it take me or I would helplessly struggle against a thrashing sea. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. The Kelp Goddess does not fight the flow.. She gives into the pull. She feels her inner tides merge with the outer tides and becomes ONE. 

How can we be At-One-ment with ourSelves if we fight the tides?

I love the play on words that atonement and 'at-one-ment' suggest. In a way atonement for me means, atune-ment, align-ment, becoming One with Everything. A Kelp Goddess is not separate from herSelf, she is not separate from anything. When we give into the forces of nature, our atoms dance wildly in ecstatic fusion desiring to make more of themSelves. There is an excitement for the cosmic intelligent energy to run through our veins, and run rampant with creativity. 

There is a place in nature where you feel this way... So what is your Kelp sanctuary? What part of nature makes your cells ignite and burn like molten lava so there is nothing your mind can hold on to-- but to just let go-- give in -- and be taken?

Have you no idea what I speak of? If nature has lost its luster, you have gotten caught up in a life that has lost it's Divinity. The very essence of Divinity is overflowing in the alive-ness of the nature the abounds around you. If nature has become a stale back drop, you have gotten stuck in the mud of the mind. 

Breath will set you free. Your breath of Life is electricity waiting to make love to you in your body. When your breath becomes sacred, the air around you feels alive. It can't wait to enter into your body's cosmos and procreate a new YOU. It sounds sexual, yes? Nature, breath, my cells in some kind of promiscuous activity-- a seemingly bland mixology. There is nothing bland about pure life force. It is bursting out your seams when it is fed with your inhalations of the intention to invite the Divine into your Body, and exhale that perfect Glow out into the world around you. Use your breath magnetized with intentionalized love to ignite the co-creative fires of your Essential Self that seeks to know you through the physical realms. Allow nature to do its part as the air around you becomes alive, as soft as velvet as you drink in its sweet nectar into the cells of your body. Know the sustenance of Self comes from your Breath, enlivened by nature and driven into each cell of your essence. The three become one.  

In this, you are electrically charged to create yourSelf anew. Any which way you choose. 

Create Love!

Namaste Beloveds

(image created by the loving hands of Me and my Mama)

Grace.. in Death Shock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkfLms4KQ_s&feature=related

How do we say good~bye when we keep expecting the one who has left us to walk through the door? 


Loss is empty... your skin crawls... you want to change time... go back... say something different... say anything at all... You want to not be frozen, in this new time, Without what you feel you are looking for.. this emptiness.. What to do?


My friend died... I couldn't help him... I always helped him... but this time... he didn't let me...he killed himself. 


At first I was beyond devastated... now... I realize it was his time... Like any other death, even suicide is perfectly timed.


We don't want to accept what seems avoidable as perfect do we? It seems un-natural to accept. It feels like betrayal to accept. 


But if we let go... embrace what has happened as part of a bigger picture of what is meant to be--something changes. Peace enters in. 


Releasing attachment to sorrow seems/feels like a betrayal to the loss. As if... you accept it, somehow it makes it okay. And yet, accepting it DOES make it okay. Therein lies the healing.. and with that ok-ness, there is an exhale and release that no longer do I have to hold tribute to the pain as a loss... suddenly instead of loss... I began to feel the celebration of a life... I began to feel as if my life mattered more on a second to second basis. That his life was over yes, but in a way, a new facet of my could begin. I could choose different. I can choose to appreciate the tiniest of things again. I can stop rushing. I can stop  feeling so addicted to productivity. I can dream of a future that death can not. I can choose to do it differently than my friend. I can live in the moment co-creating future possibilities in the now. I can love him for helping me to look at my life different. I can carry him in my heart in a new way... in a moment to moment way instead of a passing thought kind of way as I did when he was living. I can strive like he did to master something great. I can choose to love and know that I am love and that every moment matters. 


The shock of death is like a stun gun. It is easy to hold an alter of grief and pain. It may even be necessary to... but at some point, it can also be a catalyst to LIVE. It can be a spark to love with more expression, and better communication of what is real to you. We can not live in tomorrow and yesterday is gone forever... We can not reclaim what we have lost in the same way... but we can build it anew... We can choose to see our relationship with this person in a new way... Instead of the physical, a pathway in the heart opens and our soul connection to this person pours through. In our allegiance to our grief, sometimes we miss the opportunity to allow the new way forge itself a new expression. We miss the gift of what the loss has offered because it isn't packaged in a way we wish to recognize it. We want what we know. We want what we can touch. We want to hear a voice, touch a hand, we want their body, their mind, their heart to be just they way we know it. Yes, we do. But many things can happen which may never happen until someone has left this world. In death we can create community. We can ignite passions for those who are living by what has been left in their footprints and carry it forward in  ours. Look to the footprints of the one who has passed before you... stand in them, and feel as they gently dissolve under your feet ~~soon the footprint will wash away underneath your feet. And what you are left with is your own two feet, yes, but carrying the essence forward of the one who walked before you there. Take up part of their journey into your own path, it is yours now, not theirs.... but it carries their essence-heart-intention, and forge ahead, carrying what they left for you to carry. Good or bad, painful or joyful, what they left for you, is yours to carry forward. It's your canvas now, carrying a part of their heart inside of you. You have been touched in an irrevocable way~ this essence does not leave with the dying body... it becomes a part of the LOVE that you are... and the love that you share as it begins to swim in the oceans of you. You will bring the beautiful essence of whoever you lost, forward into a new world through you. 


How lovely. 


Grieve but know you carry the Great Heart of your Love through You. 
Celebrate the wisdom your loved one has imparted. 
Inhale their holy essence into your Body. 
Let it fill you, heal you, calm you, love you. 
Exhale now this essence back to the world in a way only you can do. 
Breath the Breath of Life of Your Love Forever.  
You have not lost, you have gained. 
Yes it has changed. Change is good. Did I just say that death is good? Yes, I think I did. 
Let death, change you. Let death, not separate you-- rather, make you more full in ways you never thought possible. 
Beloveds~ I breath life unto you... 
Namaste