Juicy Succulent Spring and Me

BIRTHing CHANGE
Vernal Goddess Ali
Pregnant with Grace
Bursting Juiciness
Me

I can't help it..
Change is in the Air.
I feel it in my body.
I feel pregnant with New Life.
There is not child in my womb.
This is a Spiritual embryo in which I speak.
I have always all ways felt pregnant with New Life.
I never knew how to allow this sweetness to consume me.
I just rejected this feeling of fullness in the Past.
It overwhelmed me.
I pushed it out
instead
of
inhaling it In...
I found the intense draw toward Embodiment
frightening.

When you live outside yourSelf.
You live a Half Life.
It's no one's fault.
It just is.
It has been a life of just living right outside that feeling of
 fully connecting.
I had this issue with being pregnant because I associate pregnancy with harm and loss.
I remember loosing my children in childbirth.
I remember my children losing Me.
I remember so much pain and death associated
with this sacred union of Motherhood.
Presently, I am at Peace.
I will live many Moons again
Pregnant with Life.

My past so full of persecution.
I choose to experience the light and shadow fully.
How can you know this plane and not experience its extremes?
I feel no regret in this bold acceptance of the mission I feel I agreed to know experience that creates a sense of separation from Self and Source.
I am rich for courage of this chosen path.
And I am climbing up out of the abyss of all its implications.
My great wheel has turned.
The wheel of destiny where one decides love is the answer.
Love is the SOULution.

So I ask Divine Alignment to reorder Me.
I surrender to its molding.
I gladly embrace being shaped.
I know nothing I am or am becoming is anything less than what only divine order can gift me.

So I say
Source Shape Me
Mold Me
Wrap your life giving arms around me.
Lift me
Breath Me
Inbreath
Outbreath
Place Me
Surround Me
Ground Me
Design Me
Give Me Life
My body is bursting
I am ready.
I drink you.
Eons of thirst quenched..
I gulp your Essence
 unLady Like
Unafraid to be Desperate

A Mother protects her young fiercely
without abandon.
This Life you impregnate within Me
holds no bounds.
Unfettered
Twitter pattered
Freedom

I lay my head at your feet.
This spiritual life I bear..
is Yours.
For your purpose.
Fertile
Wanting
Simple.
I birth what you bring Me to offer this planet.
Only in your Love
Your Grace.
The honor is mine to witness your Omnipresence within Me.
I await the precious
labor pains of the Birth of My Vernal Goddess.
Thank you for annointing me ready.
May I live in your constant purpose, order, alignment.
Oceans of Love.

The feeling was foreign.
I pushed it outside of mySelf because it has only been recently,
I feel Safe brimming over,
Juicy and Succulent, a little awkward in my new Skin.
or A lot awkward in my new Skin..
but not for awkwardness sakes..
for the Chance at Exploring
what it feels like to be fully Real.
And what that means to me...
Embodying Me.

 

Die not on the Inside, Free to Believe...

"Be Yourself, Everyone else is already taken" ~ Oscar Wilde

The best... very best thing you have to offer this world is YOU. This post goes out to all the people hiding under the blankets of someone's else belief systems because the world didn't make it safe for you to show us who you are.. From the bottom of my heart, I offer my sincerest apology that somehow you were sent the message that being anything less than your entire Self was what the world asked of you. Some people have no idea what I am writing about, and to you, I say.. YaY for you.. You are blessed, truly.

Unfortunately there are many who have been taught it was not okay to be you.. You who believes as you do.. you who feels as you do.. you who has many faces of time, space, and dimension... Yes, you. Whatever this life has brought you in circumstances that has contributed to this inhibition in living your life, your beliefs or creations to your fullest and highest expression of Love.. I am here to tell you.. You are Free.. Set yourSelf Free.. Right here, right now, I proclaim release of the chains that bind, hold you back, lock you up inside . If the world, your world can not handle the REAL you.. I promise you this, the Universe will provide you with the support you need to create anew.

If you have been under attack because someone is afraid of your differences from them, whatever those fears can be.. It is a very oppressive energy to spiritually combat. I call this spiritual warfare.. It no longer has to be a battle in anger, fights, verbal squabbles, you no longer have to be a master of avoiding your personal truth .. as much as it seems there is no other way.. there is. For you are always free in your heart, even if your body is imprisoned, no one is captive of your Soul, no one can take captive of your heart unless you give it to them. Your body may be bound, your mind may be heavy laden, your heart burdened, but ...your Soul is always free.

So when you are attacked because someone feels they are somehow protecting their beliefs by influencing yours.. know that although war may be waged against you, your Soul is free to soar.... And if you are LOVE, no matter how unloving, insensitive, or mis-aligned someone can be in trying to "help" by influencing your precious beliefs, ... if there is a way, in this life, your Creator will find a way for you to live what you love, even if the only way you are offered is in the confines of your Heart. The key is not to lose Heart, it is all too easy to let go in an attempt to be practical and safe. But if you suppress yourSelf.. you will find as you may have already found, you begin to die on the inside... Finding this your beautiful blossoms may have already suffered wilting.

The only truth I have ever found to be constant is LOVE. If the energy is not based in love.. differences matter not, in fact are beautiful, if we are focused on that Love...Living that love, why would we ever place our focus on what is different than what is similar? I sense we would be a lot closer to a unified world in peace if we placed our intention towards this end.

So how do I find freedom even though my life circumstances show me I am bound.. or expressing my personal truth causes unrest with the ones I love... How do I act free, live free when as soon as I do, something happens to show me that it is very unsafe to BE MYSELF?

Everyone has different circumstances. Because of this, there is no way to speak into all the possibilities which bind, and how to break free. What I can teach you is some skills which will help support you so you can empower yourself to find the place inside you to begin to feel what truly being free to be you fully feels like....

1. Breathe. Have you ever noticed when you feel shut down either by your own influence or someone else's, there is a pretty good chance you are holding your breath?mmmmmYes, you took the breath in, but did you let it out? Probably not. You most likely held on to it for way too long..and when you finally let it go, you probably let it out in a measly little way. If you want to begin to feel your Essence, feel your personal power and strength, the fastest, most efficient way is to begin breathing deeply, slowly, fully, in and out. You are going to take that in breath, we all do.. but how long does it take you to get around to letting it out, and when you do, how much breath do you actually let go of... This is so key.. Most of us don't come from a cultural background that understood the how vital breath is, not only for opening our energy channels, but for our body's own health. In fact, so true is this for so many of us, even reading the suggestion, most people want to run in the other direction. Breath is your energy fuel. It fuels your life force through your body, it reconnects you, grounds and centers you... Filled with this vitality, you will begin to untangle the webs that bound you in the first place.

2. Move, Shake, Dance. MOVE YOUR BODY. When we feel bound, our energy body creates layers of stagnant energy around our body that inhibit the beautiful essential breath to set you free. When you choose to BE YOURSELF.. that is ultimately the first step toward the intention of truly experiencing the freedom of what it feels like to live Free and BE YourSelf. Fueled with breath, you begin to feel lighter, and often, suddenly look lighter, heaviness leaves your face, bloat leaves your body, one the surest ways to lose weight, is to move your Qi. And you move your Qi with breath, and movement.. I teach a Island Body Harmonics class where our focus is first on breath and second on shaking, moving, ecstatic dancing, letting the body move without feeling inhibition..and you know what? People start to glow! One woman went from a size 20+ to a size 12, in just a few months. Everyone asked her how she lost so much weight.. and she said, "the only thing I have done different is Body Harmonics".. She had so many beliefs from her family she had herSelf all bound up in their expectations, their religious views, their mis-compassionate (misplaced compassion) ideas of how she needed to live her life, she got stuck, and the weight, stuck with her. When she began to breath and added movement, allowing her breath to move through all those "stuck" places, the layers she no longer needed, dropped. Another lady, coming for inner peace, lost 16lbs in the same time frame .. by not setting the goal just to let go of weight but rather to live their truth, loving themSelves... They let their dreams and beliefs become a living breathing energy that took on a life of its own, literally!

Last but not least...

Dream, visualize, meditate, pray. Seemingly different words, intricately linked, as they are rooted in connecting to the highest part of ourSelf in the Divine. Imagine the person you are on the deepest levels, in self love and empowerment, that you have been holding back from the world. No matter afraid you have been over the fall out of allowing your personal perception of what you belief to shine out to the world around you.. Now is the time to bring forward your best Self only you can first imagine yourSelf to be... Dream big and realize the greatness that you are.

Using the healing techniques of breath, movement and visualization, you will find a renewed sense of Self. No longer will anything or anyone that has instilled fear in your unique expression of the all encompassing you, hold you back. Believe in your Divine Right of Freedom.. Thrive on the Inside! The outside will show the miracles of you within...

From my heart to yours~

Ali

learning to lean into Grace...

... Sweetly stretching my nose out toward a Rose is much like what Striving for Grace on the Inside feels like to me... and now when I say striving or stretching is when I am experiencing a need for alignment on the inside, divinely so.. a remembering really of what I am in Love... how I am created as Perfect.. which my personality sometimes muddles up momentarily... for when I am aligned, no stretching or striving is needed... It simply Is...

I really didn't have a relationship with the religious definition of Grace I learned early on in my formative years.. It wasn't that I agreed or disagreed.... plain and simple, I couldn't relate.... perhaps how it was presented in word alluded me... I am not sure why that is.. and the "why" of why Grace took some time to resonate in me in a way that I felt passionate about its pursuit could have been as simple as timing. ... or not so much timing as It presenting itSelf in a way that I so deeply connected with, any other traditions definition no longer mattered because it began to speak Its unique language in my Soul in a way I sense I was destined to understand.....I suppose how I interpreted Grace as child was something holy beyond simple me and outside my realm of experience.. later I realized while yes, holy as It is, its holiness is something very much part and parcel of who I am on the deepest of levels.. in fact my limited perception of how to thrive in its constancy being my only interruption from its flow, in me, through me, in a way.. It is indeed, creative life force, a kundal vibration... One thing I know for sure, when it began to come upon me, it did so in such a sweet understated way, with such fullness it filled me, I thought that if I accomplished nothing else in my life.. the pursuit of Grace would suffice. I am a being of Love, but it is with Grace that I awaken to its bounty.

I noticed in my early 20's, the notion of Grace began to dance like a beautiful sinewy fabric blowing gentle in fragrant winds like a muse inviting me to co-create. It felt like waves billowing up through my body of something that felt very feminine, very self assured, grounded, but most of all, Loving. It was not something I was polished enough.. or aware enough to invite... It is something that seemed to visit me all of its own doing, many times I thought of how I wished I could beckon it on request.. which certainly is within my realm of possibility... but could I find a way to help navigate it through my energetic pathways in greater constancy? What I began to realize is that Grace billowing through is as far as I could tell, directly linked to Self Love. As my path to remembering the Love that I am expressed itSelf in more knowing ways.. so did my relationship with the Grace within me grew...

I believe each of us has a calling... no matter how simple or ornate. Sometimes our inner alignment to this passion becomes both, Simply Ornate. For me, my inner calling has been a beckoning to know the Grace within Me. It feels this grace inside me is divinely Feminine. The more I marinate in Its Essence, the more I realize for me, indeed It is Divinely Feminine. In fact, the more I basked in Its sweetness.. the more I had thoughts of the Divine Feminine Essence.. Mother Goddess.

In my meditations, I realized since I was a young child, I silently wondered about the Divinity of God. Why was there only a Father God? Actually, I did not wonder too much because my insides told me that someday, I would figure this out.. odd for such a young person's pondering, my insides spoke volumes to me about union of the Divine, Mother and Father, Beloved Counterparts, wedded in Union.. mirroring nature and balance, Sun and Moon, Light and Dark, Love and Fear.. opposing elements which mirror each other in Balance... I remember being five years old and thinking about Divine Union..Ascension.. not grasping at all what I could possibly be trying to understand.. or why these thoughts would pass through my mental processes.. they seemed so random.. they seem to come with conversation.. thoughts with answers.. that seemed to come from somewhere else... who was answers my thoughts.. and where did these thoughts I didn't even understand come from? I began to realize my brain seemed to work differently than everyone else's. Fear of being different and standing out in this way was something which fanned a fire of insecurity in me. I had to find a way to be normal.. Looking back, I see that Grace was finding Its way to me through my spiritual gifts of knowing, hearing, feeling and seeing in some wonderful ways.. but these attributes made me different in a world where I very much wanted to appear the same as my peers. I began at an early age, to regulate its natural channels through me.. fears began to settle..as I realized in many ways I was very different.. I looked for ways I could appear the same....

So as these thoughts came through, I remember thinking, is it normal for me at five to think about such things.. I am not sure why I knew it was not normal.. but I knew it was not normal.. or maybe I knew it was not normal because something in me knew the difference between grown up thoughts and kid thoughts.. and certainly these were not kid thoughts.... I definitely could not talk about these thoughts with my sister a year younger than I.... it was like I had two conversations going on in my head simultaneously at all times.. Later in life, I would understand this as normal for me, even an attribute I valued, but as a kid, this was really difficult to integrate. I remember thinking why am I wondering if this is odd for me to consider this at my age, thinking it odd even that I wonder, it was as if some kind of Oversoul within me was navigating my thoughts as to be thinking simultaneously about Barbie dolls and deep spiritual matters.. having passing thoughts that would override my playful thoughts about dimensions, life after death, alternate realities, even bio-location, you get the idea.. Suddenly, something would interrupt these mind wanderings taking me back to the thought of playing with my Barbie's, again questioning why I would think such things but never being able to focus on its complexity for long enough to question my outer world about it any further.. like incredibly deep thoughts that would soon dissolve into nothing I could remember after it drifted away.... From this very young age though, I began to realize that I would sometimes have to try very hard to appear normal because I soon realized that my sister who I spent a lot of time with... and other children I played with.. did not question such things.. I began to integrate this behavior as something that might be weird or wrong with me, I tried to focus on not allowing it to interrupt my thoughts.. even though I could not stop it, I could ignore it to a certain extent.. I learned how to master allowing both conversations to exist in my head..also, I was raised Catholic and a lot of what I was thinking about seemed to differ from what I was taught was so.... I actually had awareness around my perception of my limitations being a child, not knowing much about anything, and simultaneously pondering the Universe in ways that I knew were odd for a child my age. I never wanted to share this side of myself with the world because I instinctively knew I had this immaturity in my communication...what seemed like a sudden forgetfulness to continue or develop or process these thoughts on a deeper level.... I realized I had no idea how to convey my thoughts for when I went to communicate them, it was as if a giant eraser wiped them out of my mind. I could think about anything I wanted, but I rarely had cognitive memory directly afterwards of almost anything I thought about when it came to this sudden knowing of things-- I seemed to know, and then forget it as if it was never postured in my mind... In someways this carried over to my everyday thoughts as well.. and I had to work on my developing a better recall in what would travel though my mind cognitively.. I had an uncanny memory in someways, and in others, I think I fell way below normal... When I was a child, I had a difficult time remembering what I just read if I read a book... audio memory was fantastic, sight memory pretty darned good.. but simply remembering what I had just learned, super poor at times--which scared me so I would work extra hard to not fall behind...

Denial of my personal Grace probably started with denial of my spiritual gifts as a child, fear of being different -- probably a karmic fear -- which would hinder my ability to love and accept mySelf .. The Universe was gently revealing itSelf to me in uncanny ways early on.. It took me a long time to answer Its Calling so my journey into Grace had to seep through in waves as it found windows in my Energy body to present itSelf... It would be Many Moons before I could realize that surrendering my will over to the Will of the Divine was going to be my personal invitation to beseech Grace to reside in Me...

What does all this have to do with how one reaches their nose into the scent of a flower.. or comparing the sweetness of a blossom to Grace? For me leaning intoGrace is something I strive for...part of how I lean into it is by embracing the places where it came to greet me, but in essence, in fears, I denied its sweet rewards. When we deny our unique individuality, we deny ourSelves a part of our innate value that Self Love brings. Grace travels to us via the highway of the Love that we embrace that we ARE... it reveals through a feeling I am connected to when It flows through me.. It is the most feminine energy I can describe, much like an unassuming flower that is so indescribably perfect by simply embodying what IT is.. that is it... Yet, enveloped fully in this energy, I tap into All that Is. And although I first felt its waves of femininity in my 20's, I realized the knowingness it brings came to me as a little child who was first beckoned to remember Divinity is Masculine and Feminine Counterparts.