Loving Wombmen...

I love this month... I love what is happening in the Cosmos to support our growth... I love LOVE. I love the community of wombmen the little tribe that surrounds me is collectively evolving into... I love the Essence of HER and HIM.. within Me. 

I know we all get tired sometimes... Lost, afraid... Afraid of admitting our process... Afraid of sharing our vulnerability in fear of being exposed for our human-ness... Thing is- We didn't come here to be perfect. We came here to unravel. Unraveling is a most sacred event.. It is a gift to experience our own unraveling. We sort of miss the point when we assess another's process, trying to carefully place ourSelves above them simply because they have opened up their vulnerability to share with us their unique way of dealing with their path and process. 

The way of the bliss God-dess is not through judgement... of ourSelf or Others... By pointing out what must be done or not done by what another is experiencing... Thing is, we know what is right within us... If our internal compass is calibrated, it tells exactly what we came here to See within... It is so easy to go outside ourSelf for validation-- whether we are looking for someone to tell us we are okay or to measure our own process against another's experience. 

A wombman's vulnerability is sacred. When she reveals it, you are experiencing a blessed moment in time where something really fantastic happens. We bear witness to embracing the return of Lilith to the Garden. Not because she wishes to lie under Adam and comply. But because in her leaving, she has created a polarity to unearth all that is not equal in the whirrrled. She gives us contrast. She left. She didn't get cast out like Eve. She simply Left. And there in lies Genesis as the Christian world knows it. Eve, she got cast out for disobeying God.  But Lilith before had freewill--the freewill I believe we are all given in this plane and dimension.. She Left. She openly realized she was not invited to sit alongside her King. She was ordered to lie beneath Adam. And so we have our Creation story mirroring the schism of the man and wombman. A perfectly imperfect vibration, as part of the 26,ooo yr cycle of patriarchal and matriarchal. We just experienced the turn of the great wheel towards matriarchy last Winter Solstice. So many people saw it as a potential end, when truly it was a beginning for the Wombman to hold space within herSelf to own her beautiful seat alongside her King as Queen in a Cosmos which is lusciously both in all other realms I see..except here in the polarized 3rd dimension. 

So is it that we bring the planet into the 5th dimension? I think not. I do not sense we collectively become unified in this plane. Does that mean something is wrong with Earth?  Well of course not. Does that mean we are not already unified? We are experiencing a hologram of contrast in this plane.  Earth is a school like any other realm your beautiful Soul will experience. It is the land of contrast.. shadow and light. A place where Father Sun and Mother Moon dance .. in the overt and the covert. 

Our great wheel has turned... It is time to invited Lilith back into the garden of our hearts.. the sanctuary of our womb. Yes, we all have a womb essence for we are all both, masculine and feminine. It is time to invite Her back and apologize that we ever saw her as anything less than equal. We need our Mother Goddess, we need our inner goddess, we need both, God-dess. 

I love wombmen for their ability to forgive themSelves for leaving the masculine essence until he is ready. I love the men for their growing awareness of how much the love and have missed their Queen. How they long to melt into Her as she equally has desired to be melted into... what they have been missing in having Her loving essence consume them. .. unravel them... create a safe haven where they can love fully again. 

When we love in parts and parcels... pieces of fragments.. we do not see the complete mirror of all that we are Soulfully. 

Let us not compare each other's brokenness... Let's look to only the Light within. Inside each of us in a pilot light burning. Why blow out another's to measure how good you are, when your goodness is being the mirror to the light that is reflected upon you. If you see the brokenness around you, it is your echo being returned. 

I love connection. I love soul connection. I love immersing myself in the the beauty of the love that is echoed into my Life. Sometimes I get Lost. Yes. But the greatest thing about being LOST is being FOUND... and how can you be FOUND if you don't get LOST? At least I sense that is the Big Secret of the Earth journey. We chose to forget. We chose to split from the Other. We chose to feel imcomplete so we could take the journey that the Tarot speaks of.. Be willing to be the Innocence of the Fool so you can bring yourSelf to Completion in the World card..all the in between is the journey. 

I see the Light of God-dess returning the Essence of that which is Me through You... 
Mahalo nui a loa... 

The GOOD you are Seeking Is Seeking You

The good I am seeking is seeking ME!

Really. Wow. It's true. 

I thought I had to go find it. I just have to be it, and all the love, connection, union.. is seeking me. I don't have to do anything, NOTHING. I can just be. 

I was massaging someone today, and I had this ahah moment. All my life, I thought I needed to "root" out what I needed, will it, seek it, find it, show up.. And in a moment of exhale, I realized what if I never searched, never tried to intuit what I needed to do to assess how I could find what it seemed my souls searches? And ..there is was... like ripe juicy fruit.. an answer "ali, what would your life be like if you never sought out what you felt you were looking for?" Ummmm... well, I would probably find it .. right.. right.. right here, right? And the answer bubbled up, "Yes". Oh my, I have been doing it all wrong. Darn! I have -- not knowing, not admitting to mySelf that I think I have staged a lot of things... (what is so great is .. I am listening to DREAM WEAVER as I write, how serendipitous) 

So.. hmmm .. what am I discovering here is that I do not need to reach. I will be reached, I will be embraced. The good is looking for me, it is going to fly me to the bright side of the moon and it's going to meet me on the other side. What a frickin' relief! What would my life have been like if I wasn't always looking for messages, interpreting things, all good things in their own right I suppose, except it for its hidden agenda to control getting taken care of! Oh my goodness this is great. 

My music is asking me to slow dance with it, Lady in Red, is swooning over me so I must go and marinate in my new realization... I have a date with Beauty. Goodnight, Ali my goddess... "nobody here, just you and me. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I will never forget the way you look tonight".

Dolphin Skin

Indeed we are in changing times. Today when I read the morning astrology from my favorite astrologist, I could not help but feel understood. This is collective astrology in this quote, but it shows our boats are turning over, we are dumping the outmoded into the collective SEA of consciousness. Right now so much of the planetary influences are ruled by water. We are jumping into a oceanic intuitive unconscious, less than obvious, trusting that we can no longer do things as they have been done. We need the feminine. We need the unknown feeling waters of trusting our primordial womb wisdom, and yes, I do mean men too.. We all have a primordial womb.  It is time to enter the gateway of this sacred sanctuary within our Great Heart of Oneness and explore.. 
(yes, this dolphin was swimming ahead of me, and I was able to capture the beautiful cresting in the water, so blessed-- I love my watery life)
Here is the excerpt~
"Sealskin. Soulskin. Snakeskin.
Deep feelings,almost beyond words as Luna in Scorpio enters her wisdom phase at the Last Quarter.Don't look for clarity or understanding-that will have to wait until the New Moon In Aquarius on the 10th.Instead,enjoy the subtle magic of Venus/Neptune brings conjuring up intimacy in a sort of spiritual knowing:the realisation of your increasing power of co-creation since October 2012 when Saturn entered Scorpio.Amplifying the Piscean depths,Sedna the Inuit Goddess of the Waters stations exactly conjunct the South Node of the Moon at 22 Taurus.As the archetype of being alone, the outsider rejected by her tribe ,forever searching for her sealskin/soulskin to return to dry land (from the unconscious to the conscious),her conjunction with the South Node of self sabotage and paths wrongly chosen on Caput Algol is the clearest sign yet that this is a turning point of huge importance.
As we transition from the soaring heights of the Water Dragon Year to meet the rising kundalini of the Water Snake,we'll learn express the life force instead of repressing it.Snakes live on the margins,possessing great power,able to shed their old skins.The way forward is to live free and unfettered allowing no one to define us."

Inner Wise Self....

My inner wise Self has a message for me that I must uncover.. I have no idea what it is.. let's see Ali where You can take You tonight... A dialogue with My Essential Self. 

So You are getting ready to teach this Ho'oponopono retreat.. basically on radical Self Honesty and Alignment. What does that mean to You?

"Well... I think it means that I have never allowed mySelf to fully show up for Me. I have spent a lot of time not fully being Me because my family rejected me on a core level to simply be MySelf. As it stands, in some major ways this is changing. First, I am seeing a lot more love from a family I have been misunderstood by for not sharing their religious beliefs.. and I am no longer involved with some family that has demonized me by simply not aligning with their set of religious dogma. I thought this would be just terrible after all, I had squished mySelf into a familial box-- the ones I thought would most reject me, actually most affirmed me, the ones I thought would most support me, went in a completely opposite polarized position. What did this do? It taught me..is teaching me how liberating it is to really show up and be me. If someone doesn't wish to love me anymore because I am who I am...  I am finding a tremendous amount of freedom in releasing myself from those confines. Also, what is amazing, those who I love so dearly who see the harm in what has been done in such separating behavior are co creating with me a whole new paradigm in how we can thrive and co-exist in our sameness and differences. I am getting more real with Me. It had to do with this initial severance of contact with some people I really love, but it turned into claiming mySelf as never before. So even if I never connect with the part of my family again. I feel peace. I feel clear, I feel liberated. I find I don't really wish to be involved with people who have trouble with people who don't believe as they do. I am finding other people's fear was a mirror reflection of my own lack of self worth. I have had a lot of closure in relationships in the past 3mos. It is amazing how astrology can highlight where we are at emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. I read the other day, that I was coming to a time where I would just be DONE with what is outmoded in my relationships. It caused me great fear at first. I was afraid to let go of these wonderful connected relationships I thought I had...At first, I had met some pretty heavy betrayal, then I realized, these schisms are my gifts. These mirrors these souls brought me are helping me to create the value that I have reached with my Essential Self, the kundalini energy that has run through me since I was a child, but there was a disconnect. My Essential Self and my local self had/have trouble intersecting. I feel it flow through me like a river of passion and purpose, only to find in my everyday life, when I need to integrate the two, I carry it for a bit and then lose it. This loss feels like abandonment, or even rejection. Then I feel like my outer experience aligns to rejection in my outer world, even if the world around me clammered after me as their guru, I would find a way to seek separation and rejection from it. I would get high from the kundalini and then sort of crash, high low, high low, high low. These highs and lows became my normalcy. Up and Down constantly, with a smile on the outside. I was looking to be let down. Amazingly, I am so loved, but I would find that person, experience,..whatever to abandon me.  So my family has been a good mirror."

Ok, I have no idea what I just wrote there, but I am not going to reread. Let's go deeper. So in a nutshell, you have some big shifts going on right now.  How is that working for you?

"I am trying to dig deeper into my own facade. I am asking myself what is REAL. I am really asking the Universe to show me the people and circumstances that wish to support me and my journey. My chart explained how thinly I stretch myself out to care for the needs of others. I can see, it is a distraction from myself. I have not allowed myself to rely on people save a very few. Seems some of those that I have relied on are dissolving, making it clear that being supported by them is a dead end. And others are appearing. It is really quite lovely actually. I applaud those that can not show up and are straight about it and I am ecstatic how the Universe aligns support within our own structure, also, bringing in new opportunities to ask for help and receive. Tonight was a weary night. I was exhausted. I am not very good at saying YES to offers. My best friend is also my biz partner, I walked home late, dark wet night, as I got into the house, I thanked her for standing by my side through our rather challenging day. Expecting fully to go to bath and bed. She asked me to dinner, every part of me wanted to say NO Thank You. Instead I saw the opportunity for support, that I would have usually turned down and obliged. I had the best dinner with her. An old friend, who is 85 cooked us a meal, I even drank wine which tasted amazing. We were spent, I walked home musing my YES to life, my YES to my needs being met, to someone reaching out for me. I had grown uncomfortable with support. It made me feel vulnerable. A wave of support has come into my life in some huge ways as far as wombmen gifting me in assistance to my upcoming retreat. But tonight was as gentle caressing Yes, let me feed you--just that, a meal, conversation and I didn't even do a dish, which I know sounds naughty but I was not allowed and I let myself receive. So tonight, I felt my higher Self checking in with me on these changes. And I know my ramble is for me alone, no one will probably ever read these words.. but I have hidden from my words.. so much so I lost my ability to let that higher voice speak to me. Although you are not pouring through me as in years past, I can feel your trickle and I want you to know... I am here. I feel you run through my body. I feel you tell me who I am. I remember what you have told me I already am. Somehow I lost the joujou for a little bit. I can feel it, I can feel the sensuality seeping through as it has in the past, but I want to break the damn... ask the beavers to build somewhere else for now.. and just let the river flow to the ocean of ME, my great I AM.  So I am going to just come when I am called. Maybe I will write nonsense, maybe I will just sort out old outmoded local self things, maybe I will let my sensuality flow freely... Deeply underneath the mask of Alison is a wombman who became unsafe to be who she really is. So who is She? Well, I know she is kind and creative, I know this. But she let herself become the shape of the container someone told her she needed to fit into.. She believed it! Time to thaw out. In that thawed out state, will I spill out all over the place, will I lose all sense of boundary, will I merge into everything, lose where I end and other's begin, goodness I hope so. I must break free. I must become the watery self that I AM. So here goes.... 

What does it mean to just Float. To Be. Effortless. 

Inside the realm of your connected Self lies the answer. 

"my dearest daughter, I write to you from the heart of Love. This is You in your eternal place of beingness that you reside. When you fear, come to me, feel my Essence blossom within You. Forever I have known you. Forever will You Be. You are a daughter of the Sun and Moon, light and dark, void and created. 

So you ask of you task in Knowing Me? And I turn to you and caress gently your face, my lovely beloved blossom, your task is to fill your Essence with the connected of Me. Where there is no without, only within. 

Seek to be widdled down to your Great Heart. Why do you fear my sweetness, what are you afraid to see? Do you not know you are Perfect. Forget not my loved seeks out all your channels and eddies. There is no stone unturned. There is no pebbled unpolished by my love. 

Let me take you with me again under the Sea. The realm where I am most revealed unto you. 

Feel the effortless floating beauty of nothingness. Feel the stillness as you are moved by the currents within. This is you, this is me, this is the wedding of the electricity of Father Sky, Mother Moon. The Great Vast Void spiraling towards the Great Central Sun.. Come float with me unto the stars, moons, planets.. Where there is no breath, just the breathing of All Creation. 

You remember the beginning, Yes. You remember the Great Turn of this World, and you have just experienced the Great Turn again. The veils have dropped and you are naked. 

You were afraid to be naked before Me so recently. Remember this shift. Grasp it and hold it close to your heart. For soon enough a new forgetting will occur. The forgetting of separation. 

Separation had it's purpose and was not without it's gift to You. 

So in the forgetting and the separation, now you feel the beginning of a new wave of Kundalini. 

This sensual charge is not so lonely as it was, grasp this. Own that you know this, so you can accept what it was you felt was apart from you. 

Feel the feeling rise through your core, at your root, at the gateway in your primordial womb, the bloodline from which you have come.. Seek you. 

Feel the security of the warmth of the ALL as a blanket of coziness. Now nuzzle into this comfort. You are the womb of the world and yet the WOMB of THE WORLD holds you.. how can this Be? It is one and the same. What is within you is without you. When you rise out of the Sea, feel the warm embracing air dry you off with the same love the wetness of the Sea engulfed you. You need both. You are a goddess of Land and Sea.. You need the shelter of the masculine Earth to support, and uplift you.. and you need the wetness of the oceanic Water to reveal what is yet to be seen, to ignite your intuition and your knowingness. Begin to visit me again, and again. You will see I never left you. You just needed sometime to allow Me to flow through the keyboard to you once more. I will not find you only in your bed, in trance and meditation. I am right here in the ether of your meditative travels offering you vision and wisdom, and right here as I was so many moons ago, offering you my Words, Your Words.. thank you for allowing me to remind you that I am right her to write through your hands in this blessed way. 

Infinite Love. "

Taking my goodbyes into tomorrowland....

That's my Granny! ~ yep, really.

(Metaphorically it's Me)

This new year has had a lot of good-byes. It's funny. Good-byes aren't easy for me. I am the kind of person who often gets hurt by good-byes. I know not everyone does. In fact, lots of very healthy people I know are quite good at it. Some people even are excited about good-byes as their is an element of change and growth around the corner. I suppose I am really good at timely good-byes. (Well I am in the process of integrating this, and to make it true, I am writing it out loud, winks) Ultimately, it's understanding that all good byes are timely. I think even when you don't think you are ready, for whatever reason, it is what life brought you, like it or not.. Life knows what is best, I suppose. 

My resistance to good-bye could be a resistance to change. And so for that reason, embracing the lesson of good bye is probably much needed. In some of my recent good byes, I am seeing more of mySelf.    Instead of just wandering off into the feeling, I am bringing the feeling a little more forward into beingness. I am allowing what I would dream about to become Me in a way. For that I am grateful. While immersed in the feeling, I was a bit frozen, like a doe in the headlights. Why did deep spiritual feeling "freeze me"? Well, I suppose over a millenia, I got desensitized to going so deep, perhaps it wasn't even physically safe for me to do so in my past?... So I became detached from mySelf in a way, when my Spirit would pull me deep into my own recesses.   I got caught here for years. While frozen, it became difficult for me to write. Years ago, before this blog in which for the most part I was frozen. I welcomed the gift of automatic writing to pour through me. Divine Feminine would pour through my fingers in a sort of secret blog in a diary on my computer. I was new to computers back then... I foolishly back then was afraid of the words so foreign to what anyone I knew would understand in me, I deleted my precious writing. 

I have spent a lot of this life inside of stuck. I never gave mySelf permission to be me FULLY.  I don't know why exactly. I felt like I was inside the gel of a tomato seed that I just could not penetrate. It may seem cliche, but the great turn of the wheel as I call it, the Winter Solstice of this last year seemed to break open this seed for me. 

As the dross dropped around my ankles recently, I just was less afraid. No matter how it sounds, I was afraid to be persecuted for being Me. It sounds utterly crazy. However, this energy was so deeply embedded in my cells, it did not have to make sense for me to understand it. It simply was. Some people might think me stuck on the merry go round of past lives. Indeed, I concur. I went through a melt down dark night of the soul as I was taught you call these things, back from my Catholic days describing where St John of the Cross went in his darkest hours to find the Light of his beloved which I sense in his belief system was Christ. In my terminology I would refer to as the Christ Within. This happened over the course of last year, and I appropriately ended this year, with a very uneventful veil drop-- the fearful energy just left. One day it was there, in fact, one morning it was there and by mid morning, it was gone. Interestingly enough, on the Winter Solstice no less.  How is it one can be freed from a kind of prison of fear, only to find, it just leave? I dunno.  So grand goodbyes like the ones this year is bringing~ Just gone. As this new year begins, situations and people that matched that  fear, seem to be exiting... like it or not. Not them like it or not, they just left, me like it or not, accept, embrace, make peace. 

It's odd. Suddenly things are easier. My clients are responding to me differently, not so polarized with the essence of wanting to be saved, wanting answers, wanting me to do the work-oh boy, yep, that dastardly mirror! Joyously, they are embracing more than ever, exploring their own path, and I just get to assist. Removing mySelf from knowing into sharing, wowza! I am responding to my clients differently. I am not as guarded. I have more time. I have better boundaries. Creating seems easy. I have this incredible retreat upcoming that I planned on a whim- a wonderful urge that appeared inside driving me to connect deeply with my path and path seekers, with the most amazing women signed up to attend. All these years, I had run from my clients because the emotional intensity of my work was overwhelming, suddenly it is not. Why? Well, my sense is, the She in Me is back. Where did she go? Well, I question, in what I have known, was she ever quite here? She seemed outside, now she feels inside! How could the great turn of the wheel have such a profound effect? Shouldn't this grand cycle take much longer to take affect, perhaps a few hundred years on either side at least? I suppose not. We are changing much faster than I could have every imagined. 

I'm glad. 

PS~Read the book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I will write about it later, I am not finished yet. It took me starting it a few times to have it catch.  I suppose all those times I tried to read it were "before" the great turn of the wheel. ( I wasn't ready?!?)  It is a book we all should read, those of us who are interested  in shifting our programming to something that would be better for Mama Earth, better for Us. 

Ok.. Gma is rearing to go, I got to hop on that motor-cickle as Gpa would call it. I'm taking my good byes with me in my back pocket but I am headed for tomorrow land...... 

The Great Wheel Has Turned...

"Labradorite is a power stone, allowing you to see through illusions and determine the actual form of your dreams and goals. It is excellent for strengthening intuitions.

Meditate with this labradorite sphere to stimulate your imagination for creative growth, and develop enthusiasm for new projects and endeavors."

Welcome Back to me.. It has been a whole year since I have last visited you here.... Truth is, it was a rather rough year for me... all is well now, but it took me to the darkest night of my soul.  I come to mySelf here born anew. I have shed the veils that kept me perpetually positive. This is my diary here... a place to be free. Freedom seems to be my favorite word recently. It must be my biggest challenge. It is written all over my life. Time to not hold back so here I am. I read today, "life has an expiration date"

So here goes, it will probably not be shocking material I write. Just stuff I don't have anywhere else to share. 

 Have you ever gone somewhere you didn't think you would ever be able to return from? I never imagined it could be so... to be so disconnected, into madness... really. It is hard for me to admit that.. I have spent my whole life trying to appear so normal. Last year was that kind of year of me. How did this happen? Well, a combination of my body not being able to successfully clear my liver after a surgery. Whatever the combination of anesthetic and morphine in my body left me between whirrrrleds. 

It offered some wonderful horrific dark adventures, that dark night. It was as if the sum of my karma would return at around 4am every morning. Looking back it was torture. I would slip between the veils of time. I would relive every death and persecution bestowed on my incarnate soul. I couldn't stop the rewind. It took me deeper and deeper into madness, into a fragility that made my waking hours a trembling..  sleep an impossibility. I went without sleep for 6mos which creates a poor mix with my already taxed adrenals from kundalini since a child and my intuitive gifts that compromise my body chemistry. I felt like the bride of Frankenstein during that period of my life... a poorly stitched together fragile woman, who felt alone and separate from her Creator... I think I felt a damsel in distress. I had always been so strong. Everyone depended on my intuition to carry them through... who carried me? Truth is, I was carried in many ways, but soulfully I was terribly alone. Alone is the best way to wrestle the dark night of the soul. For who can travel that path alongside of you? No one but you. 

Thing is, I know it has been my greatest gift. Until this dark night, I thought that Kundalini energy was my greatest gift of this life time. I remember my back arching in the middle of the night, writhing with sexual energy exploding throughout my body at 4 yrs old.. before I even went to kindergarten. Going into shakes and mystic fits growing up became a natural thing for me to try to hide.. crying in the closets for the pain in the world. I knew too much so young. I remembered co-creating this dimension.. There was no one to relay that kind of knowledge too.. so I pushed it down, crammed it down, it would gurgle up.  It took me to such an adult knowing place at such an incredibly innocent age. Although at any age, Kundalini is something age does not prepare one for.. it was just early on is all. 

Different than Kundalini, my dark night took me to a soulful knowing place too, one where age, time and place, all,  is of no consequence, it catapults you right out of time and into no-time... Where there are no rules. Your mind is fair game. Be you adult or child, there is no maturation that prepares one for this realm. And so it was, I took the ride of my life through the fears and darkness encoded in my cellular DNA of time. A gift to take the cellular memory to the zero point of all creation. The NO TIME. The place where if you can release the attachment to the trauma, you can erase it from ALL TIME.

Illusion born of this dimension is a powerful energy to wrestle. Thing is, I have never been comfortable with this dimension, unless I was in water.  I would have thought before this last years experience if trying to imagine someone "losing it" that all they had to do was will their Self back. Turns out, it is not that simple. I have so much more compassion for people who struggle emotionally.

 I always had a difficult time between worlds. I had a hard time delving into my imagination as child. I was discouraged from thinking anything fantasy was real. Secretly though fantasy world's of Thumbelina were my favorite storybooks. I wonder if I was discouraged from an outside parental source, or just discouraged within? It wasn't until I was doing some consulting work in Kauai where the fairy realm once again open up in my awareness. I was told if I was ever in danger in nature, during that island visit to call upon Lilith-queen of the fairy world. I was walking along a road when a pitbull jumped out in front of me in attack energy. I called on Lilith and immediately the dog became docile as if tranquilized. I was in awe. 

When I went through my 4am episodes of past life rewind during the dark night of my soul. My Essential Self encouraged me to call upon Lilith and her legions in the fairy world.. Suddenly I would see fluttering tiny warm white lights filling my room. The horrific episodes of past life rewind would ensue. It did not tranquilize my fears, but there was an air of protection that I was being divinely guided, that I was protected and safe. I knew what I was experiencing needed to be shed, from the totality of my incarnate Self. Yet I had this comfort, there was a legion of small beings who were linked to me in a very special way over-seeing my inner event. I suppose it brought me peace in a strange magical way.  

I sense I am starting fresh this year. Last year was a Divine Cleansing, a letting go, a transmuting of energy that was outmoded and needed to be shifted into something more useable than being stuck in pain. Looking back, I know I have experienced a gift of transmutation few have yet to realize on that kind of level. A more honest Self has risen from the ashes. I am in the midst of a lot of change. One thing the dark night of the soul seemed to rob me of my ability to be overcome by Kundalini. I suppose some would say that is the gift. Perhaps there is not the resistance in my body that give Kundalini the physical markers it has sexually. Perhaps that is good. I feel a gentle stirring of Kundalini all the time now. It is like a stream of constant energy communicating with Me to allow the feminine in me to find a new more constant expression of her empowerment than I have been had the privilege of embodying up to this life. The world was not ready for us to hold HerOurMy light and eternal grace until the great turn of the wheel. 

The wheel has turned. 

When the wheel turned, I was sitting on a catamaran in Il Foush off St Barth's.. a funny little island that looks like a land before time.. Looking out into the dark water, and the reddish violet rocky land before me, it was as if my Soul had begun a new cycle here on Earth. It felt as if there was once again no time. I thought to mySelf. There have been so many astrological alignments that mean important things and you never feel them, you think you are feeling something now? Do you just really want to so this is so? Because, yes, there was no denying it, I was feeling something. Something had dropped away. I thought.. now all that past life regression rewind for  so many moons last year, and now, right now you feel something falling away?? True I had let go of the pains and traumas, but with all that letting go, I really didn't feel lighter or better- I felt more accepting of how I came into this world, with the uncertainties and entanglements I carried, but different, Nope. And now, as I could hear people stir in the morning hours around the boat, it felt like a strange mix of otherwhirrledly and totally normal with others saying we made it through, the world did not end, in joking terms. Silently, I sat knowing the world was never meant to end... just My world began. The Goddess within me knew suddenly, secretly my world was finally here, I was being birthed right here, right now. Because it was the Solstice of 12/21/12, I am not sure.. I sure didn't feel attached to the date to try to connect it to anything... After all, it is a 26,000 year cycle. In all my sessions with my clients seeking to feel contentment over the BIG DATE, I would encourage, "don't expect much, after all you could be feeling this shift for a couple hundred years on either side of this"... The truth for me in that moment was that, that morning, I was different. I was lighter. A pain had dropped away that didn't have all the fire works and excitement of my dark night of the soul. It just simply was. I was ready. I am ready, for Her, For Me, for the Goddess within to Be the Light of the World as I know it. So here I am. I am back. To talk story as it unfolds. 

Aloha. The breath of Light in Me, Recognized the Breath of Light in You. Namaste.